week 7, saturday w/ dazai

[alchemenace]

[ Varian isn't like, hiding or anything, he is busy doing the most important thing he could possibly be doing at this moment.

having a touching reunion with his raccoon over there. he is not paying attention to dazai to sidestep him now so now's his chance!! ]

Comments

[thesettingsun]

[That is a very important thing, and Dazai hates to interrupt - but he comes around in front of Varian first, so he doesn't have a heart attack when he speaks up.]

I'm sorry.

[alchemenace]

[ varian is too confused to speak for a. long while. ]

... You ... are?

[ genuinely: what ]

[thesettingsun]

[honestly, that's a fair reaction

Dazai nods.]

I'm not asking forgiveness or anything, and you won't see me after we leave this castle, but... I wanted to say it.

[alchemenace]

W-wait, back up-- why?

[ because honestly? as fucking personally unpleasant (read: mildly traumatizing for a wussy baby like varian) as that experience had been, varian had at least understood it. he gets revenge! intimately. ]

[thesettingsun]

...It didn't help.

[Dazai understands revenge intimately - he's the one who threatened to stab Kawabata for not choosing his work for a literary prize. He's prone to overreacting.]

I didn't feel any better, and it didn't make Evan any less dead, and I'd been told about twenty times that you didn't want to be in this position in the first place. I'm still not happy about picking Evan [and he never will be], but... it didn't accomplish anything except upsetting a lot of people.

[Some of them Dazai cares about more than Varian, but... this is still an apology for Varian.]

It was stupid and I'm sorry.

[alchemenace]

For what it's worth, Evan wasn't exactly my first choice.

[ it's reflexive to be dismissive and callous when cornered like this, especially on a subject that throws him off balance, especially something that feels-- just a tad too familiar, now. (how many people did he have to see dead before realizing it didn't fix anything?) ]

I-- I'd had worse. Literally like half an hour before that-- [ let's get over that ] -- but it's. You can regret it if you want, it didn't affect me that much.

[ this is such a blatant lie, but varian's bad at not holding onto grudges while also feeling uncomfortable with someone directly apologizing to him in words that-- he probably should use sometime. ]

[thesettingsun]

[It's a blatant lie, but Dazai doesn't call him out on it. What would the use in that be?]

Okay. I will.

...Sorry that you won't get to meet any of the alchemists from my world. I'm sure you could have had some interesting discussions.

[And Dazai doesn't know how any of that stuff works, so he's useless.]

[alchemenace]

[ wow, he'd nearly forgotten about that. varian kind of... shrugs. ]

I probably won't get to meet any from my own world for a while either? I'm kind of in jail.

[ it's. not a big deal. ]

Besides, aren't you-- going back with El-Melloi?

[ he has ears and eyes no matter how much he wishes he didn't ]

[thesettingsun]

[that's a mood for like

everyone but dazai

possibly including waver]

Yes, but there still are alchemists in my world. Maybe even a Dazai, though it'll probably take a while for them to summon another one...

[fucking rng]

[alchemenace]

... Right, I guess since they're just using ink and alchemy, it doesn't really... Can they only get one of you at a time, at least?

[ it sounds like it'd be hell to have 2 dazais at once. ]

[thesettingsun]

Only one. If they try to pull a second Dazai he just sort of fizzles out.

[This does not happen very often.]

[alchemenace]

[ oh thank god ]

And you're certain your leaving will affect that?

[thesettingsun]

It's likely, considering that I've been the one to try and pull another Dazai out of a book. It's just that that world can't support two of 'Dazai Osamu' at a time.

[alchemenace]

... Fascinating. It must be something in how the alchemy works that blocks the possibility...

[ varian stop nerding out ]

[thesettingsun]

I really wish I could explain it better.

[but the alchemist is a self-insert so I couldn't have apped her anyway?]

[alchemenace]

It's less the explanation that's lacking and more the lack of demonstration but--

[ wait wasn't he mad like a second ago. god damn his love of science. ]

Well, it's still interesting to hear about.

[thesettingsun]

[damn you science]

Sadly, I can't do any alchemy myself, even if we did have our powers back.

...Anyway. That's all I wanted to say.

[alchemenace]

Right. [ he's. still not sure how to feel about all of this. ] Thanks...? I guess.