Varian (
alchemenace) wrote2018-07-28 10:55 pm
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week 7, saturday w/ dazai
[ Varian isn't like, hiding or anything, he is busy doing the most important thing he could possibly be doing at this moment.
having a touching reunion with his raccoon over there. he is not paying attention to dazai to sidestep him now so now's his chance!! ]
having a touching reunion with his raccoon over there. he is not paying attention to dazai to sidestep him now so now's his chance!! ]
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I'm sorry.
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... You ... are?
[ genuinely: what ]
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Dazai nods.]
I'm not asking forgiveness or anything, and you won't see me after we leave this castle, but... I wanted to say it.
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[ because honestly? as fucking personally unpleasant (read: mildly traumatizing for a wussy baby like varian) as that experience had been, varian had at least understood it. he gets revenge! intimately. ]
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[Dazai understands revenge intimately - he's the one who threatened to stab Kawabata for not choosing his work for a literary prize. He's prone to overreacting.]
I didn't feel any better, and it didn't make Evan any less dead, and I'd been told about twenty times that you didn't want to be in this position in the first place. I'm still not happy about picking Evan [and he never will be], but... it didn't accomplish anything except upsetting a lot of people.
[Some of them Dazai cares about more than Varian, but... this is still an apology for Varian.]
It was stupid and I'm sorry.
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[ it's reflexive to be dismissive and callous when cornered like this, especially on a subject that throws him off balance, especially something that feels-- just a tad too familiar, now. (how many people did he have to see dead before realizing it didn't fix anything?) ]
I-- I'd had worse. Literally like half an hour before that-- [ let's get over that ] -- but it's. You can regret it if you want, it didn't affect me that much.
[ this is such a blatant lie, but varian's bad at not holding onto grudges while also feeling uncomfortable with someone directly apologizing to him in words that-- he probably should use sometime. ]
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Okay. I will.
...Sorry that you won't get to meet any of the alchemists from my world. I'm sure you could have had some interesting discussions.
[And Dazai doesn't know how any of that stuff works, so he's useless.]
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I probably won't get to meet any from my own world for a while either? I'm kind of in jail.
[ it's. not a big deal. ]
Besides, aren't you-- going back with El-Melloi?
[ he has ears and eyes no matter how much he wishes he didn't ]
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everyone but dazai
possibly including waver]
Yes, but there still are alchemists in my world. Maybe even a Dazai, though it'll probably take a while for them to summon another one...
[fucking rng]
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[ it sounds like it'd be hell to have 2 dazais at once. ]
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[This does not happen very often.]
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And you're certain your leaving will affect that?
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[ varian stop nerding out ]
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[but the alchemist is a self-insert so I couldn't have apped her anyway?]
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[ wait wasn't he mad like a second ago. god damn his love of science. ]
Well, it's still interesting to hear about.
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Sadly, I can't do any alchemy myself, even if we did have our powers back.
...Anyway. That's all I wanted to say.
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