alchemenace | week 5, thursday w/ steph

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stephanie

week 5, thursday w/ steph

[ well if steph is hanging out near the foyer on this thursday-before-the-other-pc, she'll find one varian climbing the bookshelf in an extremely precarious position, hand extended as he tries to grab what looks like a damaged piece of parchment hanging out innocently on top.

the bookshelf wobbles ominously. ]

Just ... a little more...

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[ aw they have that in common! because varian could not look any more horrified by the end of it. this is a bad bubble day. he turns to her wide-eyed when the bubble finally pops ]

... Stephie, you didn't really... You, you didn't really die, did you?

[ whispers was she dead all along he's going to die irl ]

It was okay in the end?

[ she does not want to explain africa because i, personally, do not want to explain africa. ]

In the end?

[ that didn't. help. ]

I'm okay! That was-- a few years ago, and I'm nice and happy now. It's fine.

[ that's also probably not helping. ]

[ X( ]

What happened? Who hurt you like that?

Uh, no, it's just-- I got caught by a bad person, and he wanted to get information from me.

[ look, there is a reason she kept saying that losing a leg was not the worst thing to ever happen to her. ]

You were tortured? Stephie...

[ this is definitely helping ]

[ fuck ]

I'm okay! So...

[ :( :( :( ]

Yeah, now. But...

It was my own fault that I got into that mess.

[ some guilt complexes die hard and this one never will. ]

[ steph no that's his trigger ]

So, what, you think that means you deserved it? There's nothing you could've done that would make it your fault.

[ there is a long, pained pause. ]

I accidentally started one of the bloodiest gang wars in my city's history because I thought I was helping.

And you just saw me encase my dad in a pile of rocks because I thought I could make things better instead of worse for once!

[ that was reflexive, and varian pauses after saying it, lifting a hand to his mouth like he's going to be sick before he swallows and follows through, voice shaking a bit-- ]

You said, you said that wasn't my fault. So why would that be yours? You-- you didn't deserve that.

[ she's not sure what she expected. stephanie has fought against a lot of unfair treatment and accusations thrown at her over the years, but this had always been the one thing she agreed with them on-- everything that happened was entirely her fault, even if she didn't mean to do it.

hearing someone say otherwise is... she's not sure. there's no room to argue against him because he'd just use his own example again, even if she doesn't think the situations are they comparable. ]

I don't think I deserved it, but...

But what? You, you got tortured for it. You don't need to blame yourself on top of it.

[ stephanie defense squad over here who also maybe has some lingering issues about like, guilt and blame or something, ha ha, idk ]

[ she genuinely does not know how to respond to this. ]

[ ... just going to keep staring until she does >:c ]

Sorry.

[ she swallows, her gaze shifting away to look at the ground. ]

It just seemed like... it was all me.

No, you don't-- you don't have to apologize to me, I just...

[ ... he shrugs ]

Team reckless has to stick up for each other, right?

... right.

Sorry, it's just-- I've gotten a lot of blame over the years, or people saying things about me, and I normally fight against it because it's unfair. What you saw has just always been the thing I agreed with when they said that though.

[ it feels like her fault. ]