alchemenace | week 7, saturday w/ eichi

Don't be so cold, Varian-kun. ♪ Aren't we all cold-blooded murderers here?

[That is to say, he may be sickly, but his legs are longer!! Don't sprain your ankle running from him, Varian!]

I only want to speak with you.

Yeah, that's exactly the problem.

[ he's not going to deny it? though god he's considering running away for real don't make him hunger games himself ]

Maybe I don't want to talk to you, have you considered that?

I suppose that could be true...

[Eichi looks like he's legit considering that for the first time. He's catching up enough that he reaches out and grabs Varian's shoulder, though, so he knows he's asking for trouble, playing it cute or not.]

Would it help if I allowed you to hit me?

[ there's a near wounded animal noise at the touch and he rips himself away-- sorry eichi six days is not enough to get over being ... sighs... vored ]

Don't-- touch me. [ and then he sneers to try to save face like he's not a loser 14 year old with issues ] I'm not hitting you to make yourself feel better.

[ also if he's not hitting with a knife, what's the point? ]

Being hit by children isn't high on my interests.

[It's not for him! He does listen and move his hand away, however, satisfied enough that he's getting responses and keeping up.]

I'm not going to attempt some sort of apology. After all, I don't regret a thing I did, and even if I pity the way you left, offering you something like "I'm sorry" is just cruel, isn't it? It's careless. It would be as if I was expecting you to back down and forgive me all at once.

I understand that there's no hoping for that. What I'd like to say instead is that Goro didn't do that to you. It was entirely me. You understand that, right?

I'm not a child!

[ his hackles are even more up now, though he does listen to the rest of eichi's explanation. the first half does get an eyebrow raise out of him, if only because, well ... that's familiar if nothing else, and he is not appreciating the contrast between himself and eichi when it comes to that.

but the conclusion is. ]

... Yeah, I know that. I wouldn't call him blameless, but trust me, I reserved most of my ire for you. [ still: ] Are you trying to defend your boyfriend from me? He was beaten up by other people, you're barking up the wrong tree.

Fufu... You may feel that way, but you're certainly still a child. You have your whole life ahead of you.

[Don't age yourself and limit that, Varian!! That's too sad.]

I'm well aware that there's that issue, and I intend to deal with it later. [uh] He may not be innocent in other ways, but his telling me about your involvement was an attempt to calm me, and he specifically told me that he wanted you to stay safe.

More than coming here just to say that, however... I had something else to go over.

[ varian stares at the jail time he has to do and decides to just not mention it. he does decide to be a dick, tho: ]

Wow, you sure nailed that part. Great listening skills.

[ a n y w a y. he's here, so he might as well find out. ]

... This better not involve any more touching.

My, are you so against touch? That's not healthy, you know?

[EICHI SHUT UP JESUS anyway, his soft chuckle at that aside, he continues.]

It's just that I've been wondering what sort of person you might be... and seeing that side of you come out at the trial was enlightening in a way. I don't believe you're a bad person, Varian-kun. I believe you're desperate for something that I can't even attempt to understand.

I wanted to say that I admire that side of you. That fierce determination that I saw in your eyes was more telling than anything else... and no matter what you may be facing back home, no matter what sort of struggle is causing that conflict inside of you, I hope that you're able to get through it.

No matter who or what may keep you down... I hope you continue to stand and better yourself, and that as you grow, you learn what "bettering yourself" really means.

I like it fine from people I care for.

[ just. fyi.

regardless... if eichi has managed one thing with this whole speech, it's to make varian speechless. he's still wary, and it eases no part of him that eichi is apparently cheering him on in his... "quest". though he is, at the very least, finally starting to understand why eichi and akechi got along so well.

he doesn't really want to address any of it, but in the end he's left glaring and holding onto himself, unsure. ]

... Because you know what "bettering yourself" means?

[ it's defensive and grasping at straws, a little, but varian really... truly, does not understand why eichi is saying these things to him. ]

[Haha!! He takes that first comment just fine, silent and going on with his speech, but the second one gets a smile that's a little different from all the other playful ones he's been putting on. It's more genuine in how see through it is.]

No. It's precisely because I didn't.

[In fact. He places his hand over his chest, his heart.]

I called myself an Emperor when we first met, but that's an empty title. It's one I gained through too much "bloodshed"— that is to say, the ruined lives of countless people, and broken friendships that can't be repaired. I isolated myself and pushed myself to the point of hospitalization, all for a dream that I held... A goal I couldn't let go.

I still believe in that goal, but I realize now, when it's too late, that I should have turned to depend on others as more than just tools in my plan. Instead, I was chased from the throne, and now I'm a pathetic fool who's crawling to get back to where he had been before, paling in the shadow of someone else.

Fufu, but it's not me that I'm trying to speak about, this time. [He drops his hand down after a short little cough.]

I believe you have limitless potential, just by looking at you. As an idol, I have an eye for that sort of thing, you know? If there are hands reaching out to help you... I'd say "take them and treasure them."

[ there's a long silence following this, and-- ]

I'm not like you. I asked for help. I-- I did. It's everyone else who turned their backs on me. So I did what I had to. There and here.

[ it's not as sure as he wants it to sound. because it might have been true of corona, but it wasn't true here, and if there's any regret he has-- but he can't regret it, because he got what he wanted. he did. ]

I don't believe there's anything wrong with that.

[He was just... checking, he supposes? Leaving him with words that he would have appreciated himself? Doing what you need to do is one thing, but continuing along that same path forever, not willing to trust anyone else... That's more alarming.]

I'm certain you're a much better person than I am, even if your determination reminds me of myself. I simply wanted to wish you well.

week 7, saturday w/ eichi

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