[ there's a reflexive, humorless laugh before he clams up. it's not actually funny, it's just ... he keeps thinking the same thing. ]

I'm dead. [ it's said pretty bluntly, all things considered ] She expected it, you know? She gave me these letters, "just in case", but. She has a lot more faith in the King than he deserves. I, I know it won't matter. If I come back without her, I might as well not come back at all. And that's-- that's not an option.